Bears Kill You

“So meet a bear and take him out to lunch with you
And even though your friends may stop and stare
Just remember that’s a bear there in the bunch with you
And they just don’t come no better than a bear” (Lyle Lovett)

I thought it helpful to let you know where we’re at with preparations since we leave in 16 days.

This week Rod broke the bike, again, I have a trapped nerve in my neck meaning I can’t ride, John has planned a route to Sweden by mistake and finally told us of his nut allergy.  We’ve read of tunnels which sound like medieval torture devices and we found this….

 16 days isn’t enough time to deal with all those issues so let’s prioritise.

Bears, as already discussed, run faster than we cycle and will apparently smell us and prepare for our approach.

According to the very trustworthy map I made we are riding through an area with hundreds of them.  bear strongholds

Rod’s response to this is “It’s only 148”, now the collective noun for bears is a sleuth, I’m not sure how many are needed for maximum sleuthing but 148 seems a lot to cycle through wearing bright green tops at a pace slower than they can run.

Also the map clearly states this is the number of registered bears.  I’m not even registered at the doctors, why would we expect a bear to register?  Would they even know the process?

Add to this that bears like nothing better than a go on a tandem.

Call me fussy but it doesn’t seem very bright.

I’ve thought of three solutions.

1. Use a longer tandem leaving the bears to choose between us rather than feasting on both at once.  It’s a 50/50 chance who gets taken, which seems fair.  (Rod looks a lot more delicious than me) 

2. Use a shorter tandem hoping I can hide behind any excess weight Rod might be carrying.

3. Hide in the van with John. This doesn’t seem wise.
IMG_20150110_191517My trapped nerve brought a whole other sleuth of concerns apart from the obvious not being able to ride (or walk at times).  I visited an Osteopath who, by coincidence, used to live 15 minutes from Røros when he was in the Norwegian Special Forces!! (He didn’t mention Sir Nils Olav but presumably Special Forces guys are fairly tight-lipped)

He did say it was a great adventure, (one in the eye for the Vicar of Oslo who said we were insane and would undoubtedly die), when I mentioned tunnels he said we could go slowly through them.  I enquired about going over, he laughed, saying “Yes, if you want to cycle over a mountain!”  He did this in a tone that suggested we didn’t want to cycle over a mountain and I laughed in agreement, bearing in mind he was lying on my chest, twisting my head to crack the bones in my neck at the time.

Our ongoing concern about tunnels comes from another blog:

“And on day 3 in Norway we come across a tunnel that is “spiked”. The tunnel is short but there is a lot of traffic going through it.  There are scary spikes poking out of the wall.  There are also manhole covers that can make you fall in.” (Cycling Dude)

I don’t even know where to start, I just can’t imagine why you would have spikes and holes if it wasn’t intentional, some kind of bear trap, and even then I just, no, there’s no explanation.

All of which unfortunately means we don’t have time left to discuss John’s nut allergy.  I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Please keep sharing and supporting.  The situation faced by children with Caleb & Ellie Mae’s condition has never been more in the public eye, from Hollywood Producers gaining media coverage to Rod & me being mentioned in Parliament!  (It had to happen someday)

Please support us if you can and please continue to support the BDFA.

IMGP1818 (2014_09_17 21_44_43 UTC)



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