Bears – A Laissez-Faire Approach

“I like waking up after a bad dream, Makes it feel like life ain’t bad” (Eels)

On the day I took Ellie Mae to hospital for the last time Rod and I were waiting with her for an ambulance.

A First Responder Medic turned up and checked her stats and ensured she was comfortable.  Although she was OK he agreed that her seizure activity wasn’t good and a hospital check was wise.

Waiting for the ambulance we told him about our trip to Norway (Rod never misses an opportunity to tell you about every ride he’s ever done) and joked that our only concern was bears.

It was here that the conversation took a strange turn.

The Medic commented “The thing with bears…”. 

Now that’s a confident way to start a statement, it implies some knowledge of the situation, that or some level of lunacy.

“The thing with bears is that everything you’ve heard is wrong”

He then informed us that, whilst living in Canada, he regularly stumbled across bears wandering in his garden.  Rod thought this extremely fortuitous, here was a chance to get some first-hand knowledge from an experienced party.  I on the other hand just knew we were going to hear something I didn’t want to know.

“They tell you to run away but bears can run at 40mph.”

Our fastest downhill speed on the tandem so far is 39.8mph

“They say throw rocks but it really just winds them up, they’ll charge and you’ll run away but they can run at 40mph”

Rod pointed out that he had seen some Bear-Repellent spray online that would presumably be more effective than rocks.

“The thing is those cans are just an aerosol, how close are you going to be to the bear to spray him?  As you reach out your arm to spray he’ll bite it off.  You might as well try to apply a roll-on deodorant”

So what is the secret?

“The best way to deal with a bear is to act casual and go about your day”

So there we have it. As a ten foot bear drags Rod over the handlebars of the bike for a mauling I will wander casually away.  I plan to be so indifferent to the situation that in later reports eyewitnesses will remark on how calm the second individual seemed considering his companion had just been decapitated.  They’ll suggest that his manner was almost too laissez-faire considering the bear was tearing his friend limb from limb.  They’ll say he seemed almost nonchalant.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not really unconcerned about Rod’s safety but if the bear chooses him then it seems the responsible thing that I ensure I return safely to report the news.  Obviously it will be the bear’s decision as to which one of us looks the most satisfying meal.  It’s not my fault that Rod has a bit more meat on his bones and any suggestion that I’ve swapped his chamois cream with Honey Hand Cream to try to seal the deal is just plain wrong.

Thanks for all the comments and kindness over the last few weeks, you can still support our cause the BDFA.  Awareness is certainly improving and that was always part of our goal but there is still a need for funds to support families in need and continue research to find a cure for Batten Disease.

Please share our adventure and support if you can.

For the next 2 weeks you can also enter a draw to win an original artwork depicting our ride!

Thanks